Well, that's an exaggeration. But I am OK with it. (I think we learned to say that in the 1970s. It wasn't just about disco, you know. There was also pop psychology. And embossed vinyl yardage at the fabric store so you could get your mom to sew neato dimensional snakeskin vests to wear to junior high.)
I planned to install the vacuum piping from the attic. I tried. I left some big herkin' holes in the sheetrock in the hall trying to figure it out. But nooooooo. It's just too short, and I'd have to balance on ceiling joists, and there's fiberglass insulation everywhere. (Fiberglass is the asbestos of the future, you know.)
So that left the crawl space. I do a lot of grumbling about the old crawl space. But that's where you have to go to get things wired and plumbed and ducted. And we have plenty of that to do. So I decided to quit bitching and make it work.
I cut a trap door into the lovely old maple flooring of the old entryway. It was hard.*
I know there are already four places you can access the crawl space, but this is the only one on the southeast side of the building. It's mostly free of asbestos (which is the asbestos of the past). It's also free of overhead pipes, which means I can actually crawl, rather than wriggle painfully. From now on, all the wiring and plumbing and ductwork goes there. If possible.
I'm working on installing the vacuum system. This photo explains why we need it, C. says.
Yes, it's the office chair with an impression of my butt in crawl-space dirt. In my defense, I point out that I got that dirt while installing the vacuum. Harrumph.
So, anyway, I spend Easter Sunday hanging and gluing and cutting PVC pipe in the crawl space. It's nearly done – one last little wonky section remains – and then the low-voltage wiring and the exhaust pipe to the outside, and then C. can vacuum. The dogs and I will go and hide, and she can vacuum up a storm.
Central vacuuming is a wonderful thing. I know most Americans think it's European or gay or something.* But it makes a lot of sense. Take the motor out of a standard vacuum, super-size it and hang it on the wall in the garage or someplace. You can make it big because don't have to haul it from room to room or push it around. Then you put an outlet in or near each room. You just plug your hose into the outlet and push the sucker head (not the technical term) around. The oversized motor provides a huge amount of suckage. And it vents to the outside, so you aren't blowing all kinds of dust out of the motor exhaust or bag. The motor lasts forever. And you can buy different sucker heads and accessories (do they have a bunny-plucking attachment?), as well as modify the piping to adding new outlets.
We know our vacuums. We have six dogs and 11 fiber animals and one human slob, and we have killed many ordinary vacuums over the years.
When it's all hooked up I'm going to throw confetti all over.
* little joke