Thursday, July 14, 2016

Attention, recipe-posting people!

So I'm looking for a great oatmeal cookie recipe. I could go to the cookbook shelf, but it's sooo much easier to google, isn't it? I try "whole wheat oatmeal cookies nuts raisins," which I think covers it nicely.

What do I get? Feh!

A recipe that makes 15 cookies. What the hell is that about? 

A recipe that calls for white whole wheat flour. Because it doesn't taste so much like whole wheat flour. We wouldn't want to shock our delicate systems with real whole wheat flour.

A recipe that uses only the white of an egg. Please. I'm not separating white and yolk for cookies. And leaving the yolk in a little bowl in the fridge where it gets creepy-looking, then dumped out all over. Let's go with the whole egg. I think we can handle it.

A recipe that uses Splenda instead of sugar. WTF is Splenda?? Wikipedia knows. Oh, yeah, an artificial sweetener made by swapping three hydrogen-oxygen groups on sucrose with three chlorine atoms. So it starts out as sugar, gets modified at the atomic level, and becomes Splenda. Which is not even a word. I think I'll pass.

A recipe that substitutes applesauce for butter. Ordinarily I'm OK with this, but I'm probably going to put chocolate chips in there, and applesauce and chocolate are gross together. I know this.

I can't get behind a recipe that substitutes anything fake – especially a product of science – for a real ingredient. I don't want to eat products of science. I want to eat products of farms. Butter, sugar, eggs, honey, milk, chocolate – all things that people have been consuming for hundreds or thousands of years. Organic, preferably, rather than coated with the toxic products of science. Just plain food. 

Fattening, maybe, but not unhealthy. Please don't confuse the twoButter can be fattening. Margarine is unhealthy.

You should see the creepy Frankenrecipies you get when you search for "healthy cookies."


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